which is NEVER a good thing. 

There have sure been some bad days this year.  It's been a sucky year.  (Editorial note:   This is NOT a depressing post, have faith, read on). 

May 4th - Finding out that my Grandfather Mead died.   I hadn't seen him in years and it didn't REALLY effect me, but I did know that it made my Mom sad.   She had been going over (to England) as often as possible in recent years to try to have a relationship with him.    He wasn't particularly nice (hence the divorce) and was always a little bit anti, seemingly trying to make the kids choose Grandma or he.   He did live literally around the corner for a few years when I was about 10.   I last saw him (in Brighton, UK) in 1996.

May 11th - watching my Dad die.   That was a few torturous hours/ a really BAD day.  Wow that sucked !!!   Seeing how sad my Mom was and how much she was kicking herself for not being there, when she arrived back home from the UK after putting together my Grandfather's funeral.  

May 16th - My Dad's funeral.  I was SOOOO angry that day.  At anyone and everything. 

July 20th - Jessica admitted to the hospital because she was getting sicker.  Told that she would probably be there until the baby was born (3 weeks). 

August 17th - Lauren's wedding.   My Mom got sad when she didn't have a husband to dance with for the couples dance.

September 19th - Told that London had a heart defect/ hole in his heart.   Got a speeding ticket.  Got in a fight with Jessica in the CVS parking lot (totally my fault).

About a week later (I don't remember exactly) - found out that London has a heart valve defect, not a hole.  

October 8th - Found out about Kevin Cumming's death.  He is my cousins Husband and died unexpectedly at the age of 43 leaving behind his nice wife Stacy and 3 kids, the oldest on a mission.   I'm 37, that made me think a bit.   He was/ is a REALLY nice guy.

 October 16th - Aunt Alice's funeral.   Watching my Grandmother sad because her last sibling and dear friend had passed.   Watching it REALLY effect my mother.  She told me that there is a huge hole in her life since she died.   I asked her if she thought that part of the hole was Dad.   She said probably, but she she hasn't really dealt with that yet. 

October 20 - 21st - Becky's wedding and London's blessing.    My Mom getting sad and crying in church.   She told me that the first whatever since Dad died seems hard.   She hadn't thought to prepare herself to see the first of their grandchildren be blessed without my Dad wasn't part of the circle.   I KNOW that was hard for her.

December 7th -  I decided/ felt like I needed to do something with my Dad's obituary and the online guestbook that went with that.   I copied them all to my computer and put it all together into a nice document with pictures etc. print and bound it and sent it to my Mom, Grandma and siblings.  It was hard and made me cry a few times.

There were probably others . . . 

BUT- That being said, it has been a GREAT year as well. 

May 11th - Watching my Dad die.   Watching my brother give him a blessing and tell him he could go.  Realizing later that his face had changed hour(s) before he went, and realizing that was probably when his spirit left, before it got completely torturous.   Knowing that he was no longer stuck in his failing body, and no longer frustrated by hands and legs that didn't obey.  Knowing I would see him again, if I did what he tried to teach me.   Knowing that everyone (but my Mom) that he would have wanted to be there, was there.   Feeling lucky that my siblings thought to call, and that we were able to figure out a way to get me there.  Crying with my siblings.   The welcome relief of a hearty laugh right after he passed when a (more distant) family member walked in and touched his head and said "I'm sorry you aren't feeling well". 

May 17th or 18th - Right after the funeral.  Everyone, including Tate, Avery, Jessica and all of my siblings and their spouses and children went to the cabin together.   We figured that is what Dad would have wanted.   A great day.

July 22 - London born.   He is such a sweet, cute, nice little guy.   I can't remember what we did without him, I don't want to think about it.   Him being born means that Jessica  pretty much immediately gets better, no more Eclampsyia worries. 

August 17th - Lauren's wedding.  It's a wedding after all, and a fun one at that.   She married a nice guy who likes my kids.   My kids were complete ANGELS and looked so beautiful and handsome and did their jobs SO VERY WELL !!!    The (new) St. Pierre's seem happy.  My Mom got to come and hold London for a while.     A good day.

About a week after September 19th - Finding out that London wouldn't need open heart surgery right now.   Finding out it is a atrial valve defect; at least we know what we/ he is up against.

October 16th - Aunt Alice's funeral.  Some of my cousins on my Mom's side were there from Seattle.   It was SOOO fun to see them and reconnect with them.   Now we are exchanging Christmas cards and emailing.   I helped my cousin Beth out with a little birthday joke she played on her husband last week.   They are good people.   I kept joking with her that I was really glad I wasn't as old as she is.   Her oldest daughter is about to drive.  My oldest is about to begin losing his baby teeth.   She is 3 weeks older than I am. 

October 20 - 21st - Becky's wedding and London's blessing.  My Mom and Grandma came and spent the weekend with us!   I got to sit in the Celestial room with them (even if it was only for a few minutes).   We had a fancy lunch and a fun, intimate reception.  They seemed to enjoy themselves and enjoy the kids.  We blessed London and with more family support and people in the circle than for my other children.   The (new) Sudweeks' seem happy.   It's a wedding after all, those are always good.   A good weekend was had by all. 

December 11th - Hearing from my Mom, (regarding the Obituary thing I put together)  say " You don’t know how much I love and needed the booklet.  It was the PERFECT gift at a really rough time.  THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! " . Roz said "Thanks Mike just got the mail for today and got your surprise.  Man I miss Dad.  It will be nice to have that to show the kids ecspecially the ones that will never know him, like Alex and London."   Amy said " Thank you, I will treasure it forever. "  Kelly (Mark's wife) said she found him sitting at the kitchen table crying with the book.  

December 13th - Getting that speeding ticket from September taken off my record with no fine.   It's a beautiful thing. 

All in all it has been a great, hard, super good, tough, sad, joyful, sucky, blissful year.  I guess that's life, right?   Ups and Downs.   You just have to try to keep on the upward slope.   I tend to spiral down at times.  

I NEED to remember the good things and focus on them.   

Sorry about the length.

As you may or may not know, on September 19th (one of the worst days this year) I received a speeding ticket.   54 in a 35 = $190.    

That was the day that London's Pediatrician told us that she thought he had a hole in his heart, referred us to a Pediatric Cardiologist and gave him his regular immunizations plus others.   At around 5pm Jessica called me saying that he was running a fever and we didn't have any Baby Tylenol.   She had been told that he was extra susceptible to illness with the heart condition, hence the extra immunizations.   So we were thinking he was going to die from a cold, or something.  The big kids WOULD NOT cooperate and get dressed to run to the store.   She told me to hurry home with Tylenol.   So I did.

I was going to just pay it, but we decided to see what would happen if we asked for a hearing.   It was today.   The 9am group was late starting, I was in the 10am.    Out of the room (of maybe 35 - 40) there were only 2 people left when it was my turn.   I joked with them as I was walking up that it was the story of my life.   Name at the end of the alphabet, you are always last.   He said well what are you going to do?   Then he said, if it makes you feel any better there is a whole group behind you for the 11am.  I said that it did, thanks.   They laughed. 

The officer read the notes from the ticketing officer.  They did not have to show, but just to write up a little blurb explaining in more detail the ticket.   If it is appealed to actual court, then the officer would have to show up, I think. 

They asked me what I wanted to say.   I told them that it was a really bad day.   I quickly explained about poor London and being worried about him and being asked to hurry home with medicine.  I told them that I was not aware of my speed, but that I wasn't sure how I could have been going that quickly on that road at that time of day without needing to pass people, etc.   I told them that I drive that road everyday, and have made a conscious effort to watch my speed there and everywhere since then.    That is true, I use cruise control on a daily basis.

He looked at my clean driving record, and said "Let's just chalk it up to a bad day, and we will keep your driving record clean.   Be more careful."  

I fought the law and the law DIDN'T win.   

In case you aren't getting the reference to fighting the law, the lyric goes:  "I fought the law and the law won".   First recorded by Sonny Curtis and The Crickets in 1959.   I'm more familiar with the punk rock cover The Clash recorded in 1978.  

Edit:   I was thinking and realized that I didn't really "fight" the ticket.  I asked for mercy.

Alice Bickerstaff Andersen

Elect daughter of God

Our beloved grandmother, sister, aunt, mother and dear friend passed away October 12, 2007. Alice was born in Portsmouth, England, April 3, 1923, to William Herbert Bickerstaff and Ann Maria Cuttler. She served Britain during World War II as a decoder in the Women's Royal Navy. After immigrating to Utah in 1947 she sang in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

She married the love of her life, Kay Elbert Andersen, May 2, 1949, in the Salt Lake Temple. She was an adept legal secretary and office manager for 35 years. With deep faith, she joyfully served in many church callings, blessing many with her wisdom, love and choral leadership. She honorably served in the San Diego Mission.

Unfailingly generous to her nieces, nephews and grandchildren, they will miss her greatly. She was a great example and impacted many with her love, kindness and faith.

She was preceded in death by her beloved husband Kay, her son Kay Christian, and beloved brother George Herbert Bickerstaff. Alice is survived by her beloved sister and best friend Florence 'Queenie' Mead, sister-in-law Frances Bickerstaff and many nieces, nephews and grandchildren.

Funeral Services for Alice will be held on Oct. 16, 2007 at 12 p.m. in Yale Ward; 1431 East Gilmer Drive (952 S.), Salt Lake City. Viewings for friends and family will be held on Oct. 15, 2007 from 6-8 p.m. at Larkin Mortuary; 260 E. South Temple, Salt Lake City and also preceding the funeral services starting at 10:30 a.m., also at Yale Ward.

http://www.legacy.com/DeseretNews/Obituaries.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=96076227

________________________

I'll be there.   If Delta is on time, I will be there on time.   Don't start without me.   My plane is supposed to come in at 10:09am. 

________________________

I've been thinking about her a lot this weekend.   It isn't really sad for her to die.   She was sick and the end was pretty quick and painless.   I believe she was ready to go.  Also, she is no longer alone.  She had said to my Mom that 50 years is a long time to be a widow.  Uncle Kay was a pilot for Utah Power and Light and died in a plane crash a long time ago.    Then her son died about 20+ years ago.  Luckily Chris (her son) had some children when he went and Diane (her daughter-in-law) has kept close to her.   I think of her in the same thought with Grandma.  Except for the cabin, she was mostly always around:  birthdays, holidays, etc.

I wonder if this means we can know what she REALLY did during the war.  When you would ask her about it, she would tell you that she couldn't tell you.   I actually don't think she was kidding.

Our lives would sure be a lot different without her.   She was the first one to immigrate to America and she helped get Grandma and Uncle George over here.

Aunt Alice, we will miss you.  We are grateful for you and all that you have done for us, and the good example you set for us.  At the same time I'm so happy that you are back with Uncle Kay and Chris.  

We love you !

 I just heard from Mom that Stacy's husband Kevin died last week.   He was diagnosed around the 4th of July with some sort of cancer, and passed last week.   Funeral(s) were Monday and Tuesday.

I didn't know him super well.  I do remember him as a really, really, nice, funny smiling, happy sort of guy.  He grew up in Fillmore, UT and married a Ms. California (Stacy).  She used to spend a lot of her summers in Fillmore with her Grandmother, my Dad's Aunt Gussie.  I have a few vague memories of him as a teenager/ mission age with a mullet (I think) hanging out over at Aunt Gussie's a lot.

In case you miss it, that is 3 kids:  1 on a mission in Berlin Germany, one in high school and a girl about 10 or 11 years old.
<img src="http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f18/mikelikestobike/KevinCummings.jpg" />

Here is his Obituary:

Kevin D. Cummings
Our Bishop

Alpine - Kevin Don Cummings, valiant and cherished husband, father, son, brother, uncle, Bishop and friend passed away Wednesday, October 3, 2007 in Salt Lake City. He was born April 19, 1964 to Clay H. and Marlene Hunt Cummings in Salt Lake City. He married Staci Anderson on December 17, 1986 in the Salt Lake LDS Temple.

Kevin was raised in Fillmore, and served in the Utah National Guard, he graduated from BYU, he served in the New Zealand, Auckland Mission and was currently serving as the Bishop of the Canyon Crest Ward in Alpine. Kevin was the CFO for Sunguard Data Systems.

Kevin is survived by his wife, and children; Kory (Germany, Berlin Mission), Christopher and Cami all of Alpine, parents; Fillmore, parents-in-law; Paul and Joyce Anderson of Draper, brothers; Daniel (Robyn) of Grantsville, Darin Ray( Becky) of Manti, sisters; Jolynn (Darin) Morris of St. George, Jana Sue (Jason) Johnson of Mountain Green, brother-in-law Richard (Kim) Anderson of Cedar Hills, also 17 nieces and nephews.

Funeral services for Kevin will be held Monday, October 8, 2007 at 11:00 am in the Alpine West Stake Center Chapel, 370 West Canyon Crest Road, Alpine, Utah. A viewing will be held on Sunday evening from 6:00 to 8:00 pm at the Alpine West Stake Center and an additional viewing on Monday morning from 9:00 - 10:30 am prior to services. A second service will be held at the Fillmore Stake Center Chapel, 300 West Center Street, Fillmore on Tuesday, October 9, 2007 at 1:00 pm. Friends and family may call from 11:30 - 12:45 pm prior to services at the Stake Center. Interment will be in the Fillmore City Cemetery. Funeral Directors - Warenski Funeral Home of American Fork. In lieu of flowers please make contributions to the LDS missionary fund.

We love you Dad.

PUBLISHED IN THE DAILY HERALD ON 10/6/2007.
http://www.legacy.com/HeraldExtra/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=95710243

 Roz just called me.   It is never good news when Roz calls me on my cell phone during work hours.

Aunt Alice is being released from the Hospital/ Nursing Home (she's been in both this weekend) and is going to my Mom's house to die.  That is what everyone is saying anyway.

She has:
1.  Kidney failure.
2.  Congestive Heart Failure
3.  Pnemonia
4.  A persistent UTI
5.  She has given up and stopped eating etc.

Grandma has already moved in and will begin cooking. 

I just wish this wasn't all happening at once (nearly) to my poor Mom.   Grandma isn't going to make it much longer, especially now that she has already outlived her 2 younger siblings.

Someone emailed me this today.   I hadn't seen it before.

 ADULT TONGUE TWISTER

If a bra is an upper topper titty flopper stopper,
And a jock strap is a lower decker pecker checker,
And a roll of toilet tissue is a super duper doody pooper scooper,
What do you call a Japanese drummer boy whose father has diarrhea?

A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy pappy.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

2. 

  *MARK YOUR CALENDAR FOR NEXT SATURDAY. 

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM. Eastern Time all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to prove they are not Muslims, and to demonstrate they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support   for all American women.

Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment.

The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.

Bless America.

Time line and events surrounding Dad’s death on Friday May 11^th, 2007.

The first I knew of anything going on was a few weeks prior.  My Mom had mentioned that he had taken a step back.   He was getting frailer and feebler.  She had told us that she would not be able to come and visit for Tate’s birthday.   Dad was unable to travel, and she hadn’t really thought about that until a couple of weeks before, because she never expected him to live this long.

She talked about bringing us all out to Utah for the long weekend of May 26- 28, but we never really said yes because we were worried about Jessica traveling with the baby etc.  My Mom didn’t want just Tate and I to come, it was kind of an all or nothing kind of thing.   She said not to worry about it, she wasn’t saying that I needed to come and say goodbye or anything.

Then on Friday May 4^th, Grandpa Mead died in England.  My Mom called me that night and said she was leaving in the morning.  She would be there a week or so.  At the time she said there would be no funeral just a cremation.

Then on Wednesday May 9^th at about lunchtime or a little later, Roz called me.   She told me that Dad had taken a step back and she wanted me to know.   Grandma was watching him that and he had gone to the bathroom but couldn’t get himself back up off the toilet.  He had fallen to one side or something.  She didn’t know how long he had been stuck there.   He thought that if she could get him up off the toilet and onto the floor that he could push himself up from there with the tub to help.   She was able to get him down there, but he couldn’t get back up.

Good old Loren Schreider from across the street came over and lifted him up and helped him into bed.  The hospice people came and did their stuff and got him catheterized and ordered up a hospital bed which was set up in the living room.  Amy was there taking care of everything, as usual.

Roz called me again that night while Jessica and I were out to eat for our Anniversary (thanks Becca) and let me know this.   She also let me know that she and Mark were going to get on a plane the next morning and be there.   She said that he wanted his sons to give him a priesthood blessing.  I called her back after talking with Jessica and just told Roz that I wanted to come, but had no way of buying a ticket.   Apparently she called Amy, Amy called Mom in the UK and got her credit card number, and then Amy called me.   I booked a ticket leaving Thursday afternoon and returning on Sunday, about the same as Roz.  As I booked it, the website required the security code from the card, so Amy called my Mom back in the UK and got it (middle of the night then).

Roz and Mark arrived on Thursday morning (May 10^th) at around 11am.   He was normal:  talking, eating, drinking, complaining that his water wasn’t cold enough, etc.   My Mom had been calling and checking in as often as possible.

I arrived at the house at about 11pm.   We woke Dad up to let him know I was there, he hugged me and stuff but was slurring his words.   He did know I was there.

Amy, Roz and I sat around him talking for a few hours (he was sleeping) .  Amy had been there all day but didn’t want to leave and especially didn’t want Roz to tell her to leave.   I finally realized this at about 1:30 or so, and told her that she should go get some rest and that I would sleep on the couch in the Living Room in case he needed anything.   She had been waking him up and trying to get him to eat and drink often.  He said “Yes” every time, but would fall back asleep before you could get him anything.

I slept on the couch in the Living room.   Roz was up in the night some with Alex (her baby) and said that I wasn’t much of a watchdog as I was snoring louder than he.  She was kind of kidding; I did tell her that I woke up several times when he made noises.

Amy and Roz kept trying to feed and water him that night and the next morning.   He ate several bites of cereal for breakfast.   He was sleeping more and more and was harder to wake.   The Hospice aide, nurse and social worker came about mid-day.   My Dad was beginning this apnea thing with his breathing.   They recognized this as the end.  The Nurse sat down with Roz and I (everyone else wasn’t around right then) and read through some documents talking about death and what to expect.   He knew that Mom was due in on Saturday night, and we asked how long he thought.   He said that he usually thinks in Months to Weeks, Weeks to Days or Days to Hours.   Dad was in the Days to Hours category.    It was time to keep him comfortable and not be stingy with the morphine.  There was no longer any point in forcing him to take his multiple pills. 

The funeral for Grandpa was on Friday May 11^th, in the UK.  (They are 7 hours ahead of Utah)  Uncle David was there for the funeral.   After Mom headed back into London and stayed at a hotel near the Gatwick airport.   She called and spoke with my Dad in the middle of the day on Friday (I wasn’t there, I was picking up Grandma).  She told him to wait for her before he went, and he told her he loved her.    Those were his last coherent words (maybe last at all). 

The afternoon Hospice aide didn’t really have much to do but noticed that his fingers were getting blue.  We had made some phone calls and people came.   Aunt Pat, Uncle Paul and Aunt Joyce, Darrell and Jean Newbold, Mac Newbold (in the Bishopric), Aunt Alice came after work and stayed most of the afternoon and evening.  Kirsten and her husband and kids came and took over the house for a while, which prompted Mark to leave.  Too many people around he said.  Darren the volunteer (I think that was his name) stopped by.   He normally visited Dad on Fridays anyway.   He was very upset when we told him this was it.   He is just a nice guy who volunteered his time to visit with sick people.   He had been visiting Dad for a while.   Dad was his first client/ visitee and he enjoyed Dad so much, that he took on others as well. 

It was interesting and good to see that even the workers who’s job it is to be there and help Dad, they were emotional as the end came as well.   It was a cool thing for me to see, obviously he had been nice to them; they probably get abused at times by older dying people.

 As it got later in the day he got worse.  Mark and I were trying to figure out when to give him the blessing that he had requested a few days before.  Mom wanted us to wait.   Mark wanted to wait for her as did I.    His breathing got shallower, we were giving him morphine hourly (under his tongue as he wasn’t waking up or swallowing anymore).   We were told that the morphine relaxes the throat and makes breathing easier.  

Everyone was there:  Brandon and Amy, Roz, Mark and Kelly, Grandma, Aunt Alice and I and a few others.   At about 5pm, Aunt Alice announced that she would need to be driven home and her car taken home if she stayed much later (she can’t drive at night).  Brandon told her we would take care of it.

As I said earlier, Mark had left in the afternoon because there were so many people around.  At about 5pm I said that I think I now knew what a percolator sounded like.  That was the thing we read to listen for as a symptom of the “death rattle”.   It was bad to hear, both because it’s a yucky sound but also because you know this is really it.   And it got worse.

At about 6:30pm I called Mark and said where are you?   He said should I come now, I said Yes.  He said he was on the way.  He asked if he should bring Kelly or not and before I could answer he said he would get her and be right there.

They got there before 7pm.  It was obvious that he was going downhill and quick.  We all talked in the kitchen for a few minutes.  We debated the use of oil in a blessing like this.   I thought no, Aunt Alice thought no (She reminded us that the consecration prayer consecrates the oil for the healing of the sick).  Mark called Uncle someone on Kelly’s side.   He said either.  We decided No.   Mark asked if I wanted to give the blessing.  I couldn’t say anything I just pointed at him and shook my head.  I couldn’t do it.

All the time as we had been discussing the prayer, the subject of a “release” came up.  I knew that I couldn’t say it.   I’m not sure why.   I’m not sure if I couldn’t say it when Mom wasn’t there, or if I just didn’t want to say it:  like didn’t want to be “responsible”.   Not that anyone blames Mark. 

I was starting to get angry and frustrated.   His breathing sounded so bad, it seemed like he was being tortured.  Even though I knew he wasn’t in pain.  I said once that all he needed was some oxygen…  But he did have a living will/ DNR in place.

At a little after 7pm we gave him the blessing.   Mark did a REALLY good job and said some very nice things.  WAY better than I could have done.   About all I could do was drip snot onto my Dad as we all cried, especially during the blessing.

After the prayer it was obvious that it was time to say goodbye, I don’t know if that was because of the “release” part of the blessing, or what.   I saw Amy wanting to talk to Dad, I asked her if she would like us to leave and she said yes.   She had been crying on and off all day.  We all went into the kitchen and then proceeded to take turns saying out goodbyes. 

I told him that he was my hero.   That all I wanted to be in life was to be like him.   He was a good Dad, etc.  I told him Thanks.  I told him Goodbye and that I love him.  Wow, it sucked !

Then we all just sat around him and watched him.   I was stewing and getting more frustrated all the time.   I wanted to do something, but there wasn’t anything to do but help Roz (not that she needed any help) stay on top of the morphine.   I felt like he was being tortured with his shallow breathing and the apnea pauses were getting longer.   Really it was us being tortured.  

At some point in the afternoon (I forget when- probably earlier) Mark asked Dad if he could have some of his morphine and he woke up enough to strongly say NO.   Mark popped popcorn and we sat around and talked.  We thought he would have liked it that way.   This was earlier in the day, I’m out of sequence right now.

At bout 8:30pm Aunt Alice decided that she needed to go home.  We put her off for a little while, and then at 9pm or so, she said it was time.   We all were saying, Um I’m not leaving right now.   I remember Brandon saying no way.  I suggested the Newbold’s as they has begged for something to do to help as they left.   Aunt Alice said no that she would call James.

That last half an hour of so was tough, we were just all sitting there listening and watching his breathing.  And breathing with him.    There was no lung expansion whatsoever, it was all diphragm.  Someone at some point in the last 2 or so hours commented that he looked different.  Later we all said that his spirit had probably left at that point, and it was just nerves and reflexes keeping his body going, all autonomic. 

We were all breathing with him.  And with each pause (getting longer and longer) I found myself actually sad when he gasped again.   The later it got, the more we all moaned a little when he gasped again.  It was so tortured, his breathing that is.   At about 9:30pm it finally stopped.  The 4 of us realized this was it and gathered around and hugged him and told him goodbye.  He stopped breathing.  His heart still tried to pump for a while.   His good, strong, kind, sweet heart kept trying to do it’s job.   We felt his pulse and realized he was gone.   I remember Mark saying “Good fight Dad, good fight”.   The 4 of us stood around crying for a few minutes.

We were just all sitting there crying when James and Diane arrived to chauffer Aunt Alice home.   We are all sitting on the couches and chairs around the bed crying etc.   Diane walks in, sees his body lying there, walks over, touches his head and says (I crap you not) “I’m sorry that you aren’t feeling well”.  He had been dead for 5 or 10 minutes.  Amy snorted and laughed (purely as a reaction) which set Kelly off.   I was laughing but telling them to stop.   Grandma and Aunt Alice don’t hear so well, and didn’t really get it.   Aunt Alice told Mark that his wife was delirious.   Brandon kept telling Amy to quiet down.   

It was a relief really though.   Amy and I both apologized to Diane later.   How could she have known?   I was surprised a little that she was able to show her face at the funeral though.  I mean come on:  “I’m sorry that you aren’t feeling well” ????   To the dead guy?

A little while later we all (minus Roz) retreated into the kitchen and were laughing about the Diane thing and trying to figure out what to do now.   We called Hospice and they came over to do their thing (clean him up, dress him etc.) but he didn’t really need any cleaning.  We tried to figure out which funeral home to call most of us thought it was the Soffe one (Blake Soffe formerly in the ward) but Amy was sure it was Larkin and that little bit of doubt…   Roz got mad at us and said that she didn't feel like having a party in the kitchen since her Dad just died.

Mark ended up calling Soffe and they figured it out and said they would be there in an hour or so.   While the Hospice people were there (social worker and nurse) we all talked some.   They arranged for the bed to be taken that night.  I kept asking questions, I was worried about Mom. 

When the funeral home arrived and we showed them the layout, it ended up being a narrow entryway into the Living room.  So Mark, Brandon and I (and the Soffe guy) actually carried his sheet wrapped body from the bed to the hallway onto the gurney.  Actually Brandon didn’t end up being needed.

All of this time we are trying to figure out how to reach my Mom.   We called Vicki’s flat, but Mom had already left for London.   We called Uncle David who was in the UK, and he had a vague idea of which hotel near Gatwick, but we couldn’t find a phone number that would work.  Kelly had the idea of having a friend note in her airline record that once she checked in at Gatwick that she should be instructed to call home.   So we waited. 

Unfortunately we thought the UK was 8 hours ahead, when in fact it was 7 hours ahead.   So as the phone kept NOT ringing and not ringing we thought she was late for her flight.  Kelly kept calling her Delta friends and asking if she had checked in or not….   Finally she checked in.   Then she called about 15 minutes later.  Then we realized it was a 7 hour difference.

She called once she got through security.  Mark took the call.   She asked if he was gone.  Mark said yes.  She asked Mark if he had drawn the short straw.   He answered that he wanted to tell her.  She cried.  She asked him what sort of a wife wasn’t there when her husband died.   She said that she shouldn’t have been off playing in Europe when he died.   Mark tried to console her and let her know that she hadn’t been playing. 

We started all staying in the kitchen away from the body.  Kelly actually said that it was starting to creep her out.  We looked and he just didn’t look right.  She said that she loved our Dad and he would never bother her, but that wasn’t him anymore.  We all talked about how the last hour or two he didn’t look the same.   We decided that probably his spirit was gone at that point.  And Kelly (and the rest of us) were creeped out a bit by the body, because it was just a body, not the person we knew and love.

Once the body was gone, we decided we couldn’t stand the hospital bed in the middle of the living room, so by the time the bed removal guy with Hospice arrived it was already taken apart and in the driveway with all the other stuff from them. 

Then Mark and Amy and spouses headed home.   It was now maybe 2:30am or so.  Most of us had been up for 20 hours or so.  We crash.

The next day, Saturday, Roz, Alex (her 6 month old boy- he is a very pleasant little red-headed baby!) and I are there at the house.  We have a car so we are not stuck.   We decided to do some cleaning:  get the medical stuff out of the house.   I mopped the kitchen floor.   We answered the phone and door.   People were calling and stopping by.   That was hard.  I was mad at Amy and Mark for not being around and making us deal with it, but it’s OK.  

The bishop made an appearance.  Right after he left Mike Plain and boys stopped by.   He said that he had heard from Loren.  Then he says, is he taking visitors?  Roz and I are shocked and kind of blurt out, he’s gone.  He died last night.   He got very emotional.  Then we thought Hey, I wonder if the Bishop actually knew he had died, or if he just thought he was going downhill.  Mike Plain runs out into the street calling after him and yells you know he is dead, right?   Nice.   Their bishop is a younger Hispanic guy with a thick accent.  He was kind of hard to understand, but he did know.

There were others, I forget who.   Many brought food or desserts, etc.   I guess they didn’t know what else to do to help.  It was nice.

Kelly arranged for Mark and I to be able to get past security and pick Mom up at the gate.  She got in about 7pm.  We get out there, and then while we are waiting for her to get off the plane, we realize that neither of us had any Kleenex so I ran into the men’s room and grabbed some paper towels and when I get back she is hugging Mark.  Then hugs me and we talk and walk. 

She had a rough flight.  After speaking with Mark and hearing the news, she just sat down at the Gatwick airport near her gate and cried.   A nice older Scottish lady came up to her and asked her if she was OK, she couldn’t answer.  The lady asked her if she was alone, she was able to nod yes.  She sat there with her for 45 minutes while she cried.   So nice.

We get her home and everyone is there.  She starts to organize and plan.  When should the funeral be?   She seems to think Friday, I ask her why wait?  More just a question than anything.  She asks when Jessica could come.  We figure it all out and plan for Wednesday, with a Tuesday night viewing at the funeral home.   I had spoken to Jessica several times about all of this.   The only way she and the kiddies can get out there is if I come back and fly with them.   She doesn’t think she can or should try to travel with them both alone.  So I keep my original return flight on Sunday morning and go home.  I’m home Sunday night we book the 4 of us back to SLC on Tuesday morning.   I go to work on Monday.

When my boss comes in, he says why are you here?   I say well I got in last night and don’t fly back until tomorrow.   He says I understand that, but why are you HERE.  I say, oh well it’s no big deal – and it will be nice to have a day of normal before going back and doing all of THAT.   He seems to understand that.   I do end up leaving a little early to get ready to fl the next morning.

I will write more later about the viewing and funeral and the few days after that.